My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies

My Secret Garden has the prurient appeal that made it one of the most passed-around books in high school study halls (it boasts chapters titled "Insatiability" and "The Thrill of the Forbidden"), but its premise, underneath the tales of lusty longings, is a serious one. Friday, also author of My Mother, My Self and Women on Top, is appalled at how parents, especially mothers, instill in their children a deep fear of sexual pleasure, and she advises how to do away with this stultifying force. While Friday can get a little histrionic at times ("Women's lust ... could bring down not only individuals, but society itself"), that doesn't make this book any less enthralling. --Erica Jorgensen

Product Description

When it first appeared, My Secret Garden created a storm of outrage and exhilaration. Women who read it were astonished to find in its pages the hidden content of their own sexual fantasies. More outspoken, graphic, and taboo-shattering than any book before its time, My Secret Garden quickly became the classic study of female sexuality. Today, millions of women have made Nancy Friday's groundbreaking bestseller a mainstay of feminist literature -- a liberating force that adds a sensational new dimension to their sexual fantasies and lives.

I am especially grateful to the women who commented on making the decision to share, or not share, their fantasies with their lovers. This was crucial for me. At a time when my thoughts were to be confessed on demand, I deprived my lover by depriving myself: those weren't fantasies, they were just random weird thoughts that made me uncomfortable. However, after getting out of a bad relationship and realizing that my mind was my own toy, I realized that I could explore those thoughts without fear of exposure to anyone but myself.

One I allowed myself my own secret garden, I found that I could share with myself and my current lovers in a way that previous ones had tried to coerce out of me. Living well is indeed the best revenge, and I thank Nancy Friday for her subversive assistence.

There are sections and chapters. Here's a listing of the section headings:

Introduction: Twenty-Five Years in the Garden

1. "Tell Me What You Are Thinking About," He Said

2. "Why Fantasize When You Have Me?"

3. The House of Fantasy

4. "Where Did A Nice Girl Like You Get An Idea Like That?"

5. Guilt and Fantasy, Or, "Why The Fig Leaf?"

6. Fantasy Accepted

7. Quickies

Afterword: "In Defense of Nancy Friday" by Martin Shepard, M.D., psychiatrist

Along with fantasies submitted via taped interview and by mail, Friday includes her own analysis of the history of women's erotic nature, the era at the time of initial publication and the fantasies themselves. There's no bibliography and no footnotes; she mostly refers to any sources in her text itself. She's a good writer, whether I agree with her at each chapter or not.

Written letters are kept in the style in which they were sent. Some of the women are amazingly articulate. Some of the letters are a painful read from a literary standpoint. But I think that enforces the idea that all of the submissions are genuine.

People who are interested in this book simply as another erotica compilation may well be disappointed. This is an academic study of women's fantasies, and not a "best of" compilation. If anything, it's a compilation of what Friday observed to be most representative of her times. And a quarter of a century after its initial publication, it changed my life.


"A pioneering work on sexual fantasies"   May 18, 1999
25 out of 28 found this review helpful

"This first of Nancy's books of womens sexual fantasies was a landmark in liberating women from the sexual dark-ages.Despite its age it can still get the pulse racing and opens your eyes to things never dreamt of before.It also provides a fascinating insight into 70s womens fantasies.


A Rare Find for the Sexually Intelllectual   February 1, 2004
Alana Mitchell (Alberta, Canada)
21 out of 23 found this review helpful

I first read this book on the shelves of my public library when I was still a teenager, and I'll NEVER forget that first rush. WOW - someone else actually has these ideas going through their head?!

Mind you, that was 10 years ago. I've re-purchased the book many times over, because I keep on losing it or giving it away. This book is a fantastic combination of the psychology behind women's sexual fantasies and the actual fantasies themselves. I'll be honest - I haven't masturbated to these fantasies in years.. although I did constantly when I was still a teen.

This book opened my eyes up to the 'taboo' of sexual fantasy, and helped me understand at a crucial time in my life that fantasy is healthy and a necessary part of anyone's life. I no longer have ANY sexual taboos.. and it's mostly because of this book.


My Secret Garden   October 22, 2002
Judy Edwards (Kent, Wa United States)
23 out of 26 found this review helpful

I first read this book 25 years ago. It was the "Hottest" thing I had ever ever read. I was a mother of two young children. It was nice to know that other women had fantasies and that they were just plain fun and nothing to be ashamed of. I am 25 years past my shyness now but am glad to know the book is still in print.


Facinating, Informative,and Enlightening   March 21, 1999
29 out of 34 found this review helpful

This book was a brazen attempt (in it's era )to liberate Women to realize that their sexual fantasies are okay. If more women and men would read this book, perhaps it could help to alleviate some of the sexual tension between our sexes.Then we could get on with the communication issue, that we all need so much.